Forest of Words

Wandering, lost in an endless sea of treasured moments,

I reach
I race
to find the space in your arms where I have always belonged

In a love that’s ours alone

You leave me breathless, and I
wait for each moment where we collide and intertwine
I give in to the sweetest surrender, and there is where our dance begins
I am amazed and honored to be blessed by the love and longing reflected in the beauty of your eyes
I’m sure you see and feel the same reflected in my eyes or reflected in each illustrated word
painting our love story beautifully and magically for the entire world to see
I ache, and I find myself filled with an even more profound need
a need that is only supplied by you, mo aer.
Every day I race against the sands of time
I anticipate each word
each tender glance
for all things you offer are loving gifts, all profoundly MINE
Each day searching for the strength to make our worlds align
because in a shit show kind of world, they are only too happy to throw up barriers to prevent a love like this from existing on the same astral plane
there is nothing on this earth that would prevent our love
it is in the air that we breath
it is the beauty that surrounds us
it is in the breeze of the wind
it is in all things and everything
we are simply two souls who have always been united before we ever knew
nothing on this planet could prevent all that we are
we are a love story written across the stars,

I love you!

I have never been a courageous person. Quite the opposite, despite every effort I have made to avoid, life has pushed me to face many lessons! I am purely and profoundly ME! I am humble; I choose to be kind! I choose to be gentle! I prefer to see the best in everyone! I don’t have to be right! I don’t have to say a thing, don’t look at my face; see me! I prefer to hide under a rock where I can safely observe, fill the pages of my journals, and dream! For Umair, who, despite me being scared shitless most of the time, constantly pushes me to be braver than I ever dreamed!

It’s Tuesday morning, and oh my goodness, has mother nature been painting our corner of the world incredibly! I love the sounds of rain and storms, and I love the sounds and all things nature coming to life!

So random thoughts have I mentioned I love quotes, motivational stuff, reading, history, and growing! As I was reading this morning it emphasized knowing your worth (your value)so in proper form, speak your sparkle!

“If you are genuinely a presence in their hearts and lives, your partner, to prevent causing you to hurt, shame, or embarrassment to your feelings, will ensure that your feelings are validated and visible!

If they love you, your partner will be eager to share you with all parts of their life! You won’t be a dirty secret in hiding!” If they demand you to openly validate and reciprocate nothing in return, you have unequal distribution of emotional value and balance in the relationship!

And a quote: “you know it is profound love when you refuse to put into words the pain they caused! Speaking the words would only hurt them, and so you hold the words rather than inflict the pain!” Unknown

The thing about feeling things, the way that I do is only too often before words are ever spoken I have already walked through it, dreamt it, felt it, and then experiencing the emotional meteor shower that comes with all of that can be, intense and thought-provoking and sometimes earth-shattering and painful.

In a world where people spend so much freaking time on “me! me! me! Listen UP! Stop what you are doing for just two seconds. (No matter what it is, it can wait those two seconds) close your eyes, breathe in, exhale, and open your eyes. What do you see? Pretty magical right!?!

Dreamers take note! I love words. Back up, let’s grab the truck, put it in 4-wheel drive, and rock the shit out of this moment because I freaking love words! The words, surround you literally everywhere! Look for them, you see a lamp and I see a love letter written saying “My heart, forever! I burn for you!”

Holy shit! Stop what you are doing the world is literally talking to you! Boom! That shit is sparkle Baby! Pick your inspiration and listen up, the world is talking! We ALL clearly have the same choices, we all freaking do! One race, HUMAN, and one EARTH! Now since I am also a historian I will tell you, that every effort inspired by a leader, race, people, culture, tribe, or village attempt to claim to be the “master of all things” has …. FAILED…. except in the case of Yoda! and in the case of redheads! But, then maybe we just look at the world a little differently but still one race… HUMAN! (If this wasn’t a philosophical moment I would tell you otherwise about redheads but HA! there is your humor moment, we will save that sparkle splendor for another day, maybe Monday! HA)

People can be hateful, ugly, and even go so far as to leave lasting expressions of mouthfuls of cataclysmic destruction on humanity with their personal brand of verbal diarrhea! Bleh! Ugh! Meh!

Step back, take note and understand this is my profound purpose! I intend to carefully and intentionally articulate my presence with glitter-filled words that caress and kiss your heart and your skin! and the profound love story I stumbled upon and since the moment of impact, it’s been an avalanche of words!

Words. for me are the softest caress! Tender, beautiful expressions of love, longing, and desire! Every word I choose becomes my paintbrush…. painting the world perfectly and beautifully! Every Word, when offered, is incredibly thoughtful, intentional, and magical!

Again, mental note! As if COVID wasn’t bad enough it’s become a proverbial Sh$T show kind of world, people are only too eager People can drop their random hate shit and never actually say a single thing!

My poems, sonnets, short stories, and fairy tales are heartfelt love letters! Each word uttered! Are entirely, utterly, profoundly, YOURS, MO AER! Even before I penned them into creation, my written words are merely an illustration of the feelings you inspire within my heart! My soul! My heartbeat! Finally, A word of advice from an inspired soul, look for your love letters and take the time to hear and feel each expression of adornment! Never stop looking for your love letters! Chase your sparkle! 

Full disclosure, Anya is of course the intellectual property of SpyXFamily. The image portrayed in this tale is the intellectual property and artistic inspiration and creation of my son, Zachary James. I adore all his artistic creations and enjoy sharing them with the world. Zachary has an Etsy store where his images are available for purchase. You can of course hop on over to his store to purchase, but this Anya is mine! Get your own!

Okay, so… me. Sometimes, in your fairy tale, you have to pick yourself right back up where you landed. Dust that shit off, and save yourself! Sometimes, if you get lucky you get to save someone else with you! The first fairy tale truth is after surviving unimaginable pain, I can tell you I have the utmost and most profound appreciation and love for all human existence. All lives are precious! All lives matter!

For all dreamers present take note!!! Love when offered today, if at all, in a serious shit show kind of world, is a rare gift. What exactly would you do if you were presented with the love of a lifetime opportunity!?! Let’s get real folks, this might be a once in several lifetimes opportunity!!! Get off the freaking couch! Bed! Whatever! Get UP, LEAP!

My advice to you is LEAP! RUN! JUMP! DIVE! Feel free to insert your own personal brand of descriptive verb that tickles your fancy and then free-fall into the most perfect surrender! Embrace their heart, soul, and every single gift they offer! Jump into their arms and breathe!

The kind of love I am talking about is rare and precious! It may, in fact, be on the rare breed, nearly extinct, critically endangered species list!

I can tell you that having been loved in a way that leaves me breathless, and aching for every second is the most perfect and precious miracle. It is love and being loved and giving love but it is also SOOO much more!

Every second we share leaves me breathless, aching, needy, and begging for more, and ladies and gentlemen that’s from the moment we speak, our eyes connect, and even in the moments we say absolutely nothing at all but stare deeply into each other’s eyes! And that Ladies and Gents was from the instant we collided! Mental note, for all those listening our clothes, haven’t even hit the floor!!! That’s the kind of love and intensity you should be searching for in your life. Beyond profound! Look for your own version of magic that is willing to hold your hand, your heart, your soul, your fears, and your deepest secrets tenderly and fiercely and if you get passion and the deepest sexual connection on top then you have hit the proverbial jackpot!

I will continue to walk gently and with purpose and intent on this earth! I will look for the magic and sparkle that exists. I walk softly on this planet for a REASON!

Today, and every day I choose to be my own fairy Godmother and love the hell out of people, life, and everything, and in that long list of loving you will find a tender-hearted fiery redheaded girl who races every single day, to every single second, minute, hour, days/nights, weeks, months, years up to and including forever! The girl is protected by the man she loves. He is the love story written entirely for her and given the space, time, and freedom he allows her to safely dream. He stands guard holding my glass slipper because he knows I prefer to lose the shoes at any opportunity possible! Take note the slippers in this story are rare indeed for “mo aer” forged the shoes himself in his heart and in mine! We are what forever looks like! Unstoppable, I am his and he is MINE!!

It’s my Friday, YAY! While this is my “usual workweek has pulled into the station but we have a major event this weekend with the HCF “match” weekend. Starting today and tomorrow you can make your donations to the foundation online entirely or stop into the Fisher Center (later during the reception) and chat with me about all things history! The goal of this project is to see the completion of a dedicated windmill museum building, so donors please give generously. Of course, you will see me out at and about at the Fisher Center pretty much for the entire program but more importantly, check out the foundation and give if you can there are so many worthwhile projects. I will also be doing a condensed version of the historic downtown walking tour for the class reunion this weekend. #historymysteries #historyrocks

I love music especially when you can feel the passion the expression is emitting. Today it’s “Here with Me” Marshmello. of course if it’s your FriYAY too enjoy! I need you here with me!! “mo aer!”

Thought for the day! Learn and grow! Never stop reaching for the stars!
Thought for the day! Let me introduce the sinister and evil in this not-so-average fairy tale in an already toxic toilet bowl world. You have your average toilet bowls, a$$hats, and proverbial donkey arses! And then you have your over-achieving of all of the previously mentioned!

A few moments of your time! If you decide to steal things from people you didn’t earn! Understand your intention and own that shit!

Next, in the proper form of writer, journalist, and historian! I love to learn! Let me reiterate, I freaking love learning! And I also love to write, DaVinci had his paintbrush, and I have my pen!

Now I have introduced the knight in the fairy tale, but please allow me to introduce the evil witch, wicked wizard, henchmen… whatever … feel free to improvise… I have a long laundry list of names with which we can associate all things evil. Words are expressions that are music to my soul!

But did you know there are a group of individuals out in the world have formed this “club” “per se,” and the way the club works is that they have teams, deadlines, and quotas. Now I will say pretty much it’s a shit show kind of day where people seek opportunities to steal rather than earn! The group takes such pride in the development of the “hook!” Then scoop in and up and take, take, take whatever they can get their greedy fingers on. The club has another ideal or motto. If you are STUPID enough to give them the money, they will only happily take everything you have and more!
In summary, the moral of this story is that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

My message to the henchman, KARMA man, keep your freaking circle clean! Geez! You are going to be chasing around a shit show for a long time!

I suggest you spend a little time learning the languages, as they say, you lost the game! I also think, par the course, someone educated, maybe an empath, is required!! Do not ever think for a second that I am not aware because I don’t utter the words! I choose my path; I choose light!

I love soapboxes; they are just somewhere to clear your mindset or perhaps bring resolute closure to a situation. I also love weird quotes and phrases, and to be perfectly honest, there is an entire laundry list of things I love. There is also a list of things I don’t like! I will sum up the don’t care for that shit list for you, asshats, toilet bowls, and your proverbial donkey’s arses! Team 12, you are closing in on the 90-day mark. Does that mean you re-up your anty when the goal is not achieved? How does this even work? tick-tock, tick-tock!

I still feel I am better at this. If you don’t meet your goals? Do you extend the goal? Do you go back to the drawing board, and I think I mentioned the number 12? Still not my number… anyhoo…Do you lose commissions? Is anyone feeling a little bit of asshattery? Because I think that if you attempt to take things that are not yours, you are “burger batcha.” You didn’t earn what you took. Wait, there may be better slang! My selection is “Khair chaddo hun, mitti pao” The loose translation is, “just leave it, bury it.” There is an English translation. It’s best to let sleeping dogs lie! Anywhooo! I have added an entire list of cusswords, slang, and profanities to my journal! If you decide to steal things from people you didn’t earn! Also, even if I CHOOSE to not speak of your actions, never feel for even a second I have not wandered through all of it!

Understand your intention and own that shit!

I love to learn! Let me reiterate, I freaking love learning!
I also love to write, DaVinci had his paintbrush, and I have my pen!
Words are funny, aren’t they, “burger batcha” now the loose translation for this is “you are a spoiled brat.” Let me offer my own phrase in follow-up, “syaapa pae Gaya,” loosely translated as “a mess has been created.” I will add “a hot mess has been created!”

Having survived rape, “spoiled brat” is not a phrase I ever would have used. Let me clarify that typically, a catalyst occurs following “the rape” that will remain throughout your life. Other unavoidable things are a part of the pain and the process.

First, your brain, you have to get out of that brain! It is part of the process, though. You have to, as painful as it sounds, forgives, forgive to survive. In essence, you are entirely forgiving yourself not the person who yields the weapon!

Be strong, be fucking brave! I promise you that this is the moment that will silently take something precious that is only yours, your innocence. You have the power to take that power and virtue, purity, and innocence back!

You do that in how you transcend throughout your life. Choose your sparkle!

The following parts are a little more profound. You either become, “Hey, check me out!” Or you become “Please Lord in Heaven, do not let them see me!” Either option is you choosing to survive! I opted for number #2.

Are you the victim of the “circumstance,” or are you a fucking survivor! Again, I opted for number #2!

Back up a little smidge, I am just going to say being raped and having something that is all the beauty of the world taken by another without your consent exists in an entirely different universe. The next time someone you love is raped, go ask them how “spoiled” they feel. The more profound image that you straddle every day is WTF! Like, WTF! There may be a double standard at play??? Hmmm! People take things that don’t belong to them, putting that person into the “wow” category! But still, Rab Raakhaan, “may God be with you,” and I will add on your journey.

Let’s wander on this platform for a minute or two. It allows me to get the brain juices flowing!

“Ma tum sa bahut pyar karta hoon” (I love you so much) and “Tá grá agam duit” ( I have love for you) and “Tá mo chroí istigh ionat” (MY heart is in you!) Is tú mo grá  (YOU are my love) Is tú mo chuisle (you are my pulse) and Táim i ngrá leat (I am in love with you) and the moment where two people connect on the same astral plane and the beginning and end of everything! Two hearts and one love! “Mo aer!” (my air) “Mo anam cara! (my soul mate)

Pitter Patter are the sounds, raindrops falling all around

whispers of love consume this space

I never want to exist in space and time where you are not a part of my life
I am blessed by your heart and your love
You are the beginning and the end of me
you are everything I never knew I wanted
or hoped that I might achieve
scared that you might be a mystical phantasm
but simply put you are my everything
you are my hopes, you are my dreams

You are both the storm and the calm after the rain
you are my reality and fantasy all rolled into one
you stepped out of the shadows in spite of the costs

and loved me
a gentle whisper
a thoughtful kiss
tender moments where you leave me breathless

the way I need you

and want to give all the parts of me that no one else has seen

hold my breath, you make me blush in a heated frenzy of promises to come

The days, the nights, the hours, the minutes, the seconds
pass by far to quickly
I stand here greedy, hungry, and craving more
we just stopped talking and still, I want more

what is this kinky magic

in each of these moments
filled with our laughter and dreams

you fill me with the deepest longing and need

I surrender to it all and offer you my heart
and a tender whisper carried through the breeze, thank you simply, because you complete me

thank you for filling my heart with the most beautiful all-consuming love

that set me free
I ache and hunger for more
and the space and time where two souls bound can safely be
I wish for the space and time where you and I can be all we are meant to be
if you are my dream, illusion, or mirage
I never want to wake
just know that these moments are treasured and will always be
I ache for each story you have to share with me
I crave the moments when are fingers are intertwined

and my head can rest in the softness and strength of your chest where it was always meant to be

in the beginning, I tried to run like hell
trust me, I did
we started out as friends
and then we found our groove
through each moment, it evolved and then suddenly
I don’t want to live in a world where you are not real.
You are my air and everything I ever want to be

This is my vow

I am exactly the girl who chooses to dream and love,

I am the girl that chooses to believe

I am the girl who is profoundly and intently is in pursuit of being true to myself

and set an example for all to see

what you choose in this life is something that will either bless you or haunt you merely by your intent

I am the girl who chooses to dream big, soar high, sparkle profoundly, and leave the earth perhaps a little gentler and softer from the presence of my determination.

Inspired by beauty! Each moment where my breath has been taken away has been infinitely changed by the presence of my “mo aer!”

I can absolutely say what you offer of yourself can become a blessing merely by choice! Each gift you share with the world will follow you to the next. #kindnessmatters! #kindnessismybrandofglitter #defendingmyzipcode

For the man, “My Air”, “Umair” “Mo Aer” who in spite of many obstacles relentlessly pursued me and had the courage to love me.

I am profoundly and precisely that girl, the one you will never see with a curl out of place,
scream the words
behind the pain
but you will never hear the words uttered from my lips
you might catch a glimpse in my eyes
the words simply, without the courage, would have never left my brain
perhaps scattered on the pages of a well-loved journal
but if I trust you
and I do, baby
all the sweetest parts I have saved and given to no one else but you
free to let down my perfectly coiled copper ringlets
with your love
I am on fire,
I am free,
a star kissed, glitter-filled hopeless dreamer,
I dance barefoot in the forest among the trees
worship the ground at your feet
lay down in the mountains to feel you near me
I’d even skinny dip in mud puddles to show what you mean to me.
I am free to let all the firey, messy parts of me tumble to the ground
you forever there
to scoop me up
kiss away the pain
shelter my heart
and love me in the most beautiful and intoxicating way
when I look into your eyes
and then your lips
I want to touch your face gently
caress your fingertips
and link your hands in mine
together
unstoppable
racing against the hands of time